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Why wasn't daddy there?

by Angie S.

It is in my own experience, that a child growing up with out a father is a child left with a lifetime of wondering. Wondering, why wasn't daddy there? Where do I come from? Where is my dad now? Does he ever think of me? and many other questions. I grew up not knowing my dad, and to this day I have so many questions. I would really like to find him just to find out who he is and where half of me comes from.

It is very damaging to a child not to have one of their parents in their lives. It can even be described as feeling like you're living a half life. I remember feeling confused and wondering why I didn't have a dad like the other kids did. I grew up being clingy and striving for acceptance from some sort of father figure. My mother did the best she could to take on both roles of mom and dad, but it's just not the same and a child knows it.

It is my thought, then (and this is only my opinion), that be you a mother or father, it is completely in the best interests of your children to have a civil relationship with your x and make certain that both parents are completely involved in the childrens life (unless, of course, it's a matter of safety). No matter what it takes, stop thinking of yourselves and think of your child/children. If you are bad mouthing the other parent to your child, STOP! You will never keep the respect of your child by doing that. Eventually the child will grow up and see through all that is taking place. If you are refusing to allow your ex to see or be with the child, STOP (unless of course it's a matter of safety then you need to go through the courts and do things legally, but DO NOT LIE or Falsely Accuse anyone of anything!)!

The child has every right to be with both parents regardless of how you and your ex may feel towards one another, and by denying your child a relationship with his/her other parent you are indeed alienating your child and they will learn to resent you. If you are the parent who is being bad mouthed then you should, of course, not retaliate by doing the same, but find out what your state laws are concerning such matters and make sure to report it all to the proper authorities. If you are the parent who's being denied the right to see or spend time with your child/children, keep a record of each and every time you're denied, get court ordered visitation if you don't already have it, then file contempt of court on whom ever is denying you and your child your rights! Your child will appreciate the fact that you love them enough to fight for them and want to be with them.