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Checklist for NonViolent Action

-- Discernment --

• Exercise all your legal options - Before considering an action please make sure you have exhausted all the legal remedies available to you. If you can appeal, do so. If you have the money, spend it on a good lawyer (get a referral from a parent's group in your area). Trust us, when you are sitting in a jail cell -- the other legal options will look very good!

• Read the history of NonViolent Action, become familiar with current efforts -- Look at the essays on NonViolent Action at the web site: http://www.AKidsRight.Org/essays.htm. As a minimum read the biographies of Martin Luther King and Mahatma Gandhi. These two books have our highest recommendations -- they will show you how they dealt with the problems you are about to face.

• Try to approach your former spouse for resolution -- As you go through the personal preparation prior to taking an action, you will probably discover changing attitudes within yourself. Perhaps you weren't just the victim of this whole mess? Maybe your "ex" is not a fire breathing dragon who doesn't care about the kids? Maybe you did and said things you shouldn't have done. Clear your conscience.

  Write and apologize. Let them know you just want to be an equal parent. Maybe you'll be able to make a fresh attempt at mediation or counseling. Again, jail gives you lots of time to think, your attempt may not work -- but it is crucial that you try. If you want to just hold on to the anger, STOP, Non Violent Action is not for you.

• Prayer & Reflection -- This is about Faith. Your willingness to sacrifice your personal freedom to call attention to the unjust loss of your child. Do you have that Faith? Are you active in the religion of your choice? We all have our doubts, but are you more a believer than a skeptic? If you can't answer yes to all these, STOP -- this may not be the right approach for you at the present time.

• Take a personal inventory -- Could you stand a year in jail? The discomforts and lack of privacy? If you have prior military experience you should be fine -- it is much easier than basic training. Can you keep smiling when bad things happen to you? Can you control your temper?

-- Preparations and Review --

• Talk to family & friends -- Tell them what you are thinking of doing. Talk to your lawyer. Listen carefully as they try to talk you out of it, respond thoughtfully. You don't have to agree with them, but try to understand why. If you lose your temper with these people, STOP. You really want to hear all the "no" arguments now -- believe us, they will all make a lot more sense when you are behind bars.

• Take care of your finances & property -- Remember, you might end up in jail for up to a year. Can you afford it? Do you have people on the outside who can help manage your affairs?

• Your child -- We can only recommend this if you are basically "cut off" from a real relationship with your child. If you only have phone/mail contact with them -- it won't change much from prison. Just remember, you can usually only make collect calls. You need a friend with three-way calling, some staff may allow you to make a weekly call to your child using a jail phone (having a calling card number also).

  If you could be missing "visits," try to explain that you are working so that you can see them more. The focus is "for them," NOT "anti others."  Certainly, don't tell them your spouse is to blame.

• Contact AKidsRight.Org -- We have people who have been through what you are about to experience. They can give you valuable advice. The Group will also be able to help you with News Release support for publicity and a status page at our web site. It helps a lot if you have someone locally who knows you and can act as not only a spokesperson for media contacts, but also help develop material for News Releases and for our web site. This is crucial.

-- NonViolent Action --

• Plan your action -- whatever you choose to do it should be clear that you are trying to call attention to reform.  One technique is to take some white cardstock, app. 14'' x 8".  Fold it like a greeting card and tape a 5 x 7 photo of you and your children on each side.  Draw a heart on the other half.  www.AKidsRight.Org across the bottom.  It can be carried folded.

• Dress for the event -- no T-shirts or jeans, use business attire.   For men that means good slacks, white shirt, and tie.  Wear comfortable shoes or white sneakers -- you usually keep your footwear in jail.  Good dress projects a professional image and will also get you "better handling" by police.   Remove all your jewelry.  If you are arrested it will be stored by the jail and you don't want to risk losing it.  Have about $50 in cash.

  One key thing to bring is a single sheet of paper with names, addresses, and phone numbers of people you might want to contact in jail.  Keep it in a pocket.  Most "jailers" will pass it through, just tell them it has your lawyers and family members.  Leave a copy with a friend who can mail it to you as a back-up.

• Do It -- Walk into your public building of choice.  After you are inside just open your card and hold it with one hand above your head and start your walk.  Be quiet and smile.  Remember, don't speak unless spoken to.   Your actions will speak much louder than words.  Here is what you can expect from actual incidents:

• Security staff will approach you and tell you the conduct is not allowed.  Your answer, with a smile, "I'm just walking, just exercising free speech and the right to petition to my government."  THESE ARE VERY IMPORTANT WORDS.  You are not protesting, demonstrating, picketing or loitering.
• Staff will then tell you, "you should go outside like everyone else does, what makes you think you're special?  Your answer, "What I'm doing is different, I just want to do it here.  I'm not bothering anyone."
• At some point you will be threatened with arrest.  Don't argue with them, they are just doing their jobs.
• You will be asked, Why are you doing this?  "I belong to a group working for Family Law Reform & Civil Rights.  All I'm trying to do is get the chance to be an equal parent to my children whom I love very much.  We are trying to get a Family Rights Act passed."  DO NOT talk about child support, how bad judges/lawyers are, or what a bad spouse you had.  The message is one of LOVE.
• Some staff will get angry with you and slander you.  What you are doing is stupid, do you think being jailed is going to help you see your kids.   This won't work ...   Quietly and with a smile, "Well, you may be right,, but I really think this will make a difference."
• Once they put you under arrest, cooperate as best you can.   After completing the arrest report (you will probably be charged with trespass), you may be surprised when they get ready to release you and give you an "appearance ticket," e.g. trespass is almost like a speeding ticket, it doesn't require you be jailed.  TV celebrities get the "hand cuffs" put on and then walk out a short while later.

  Respectfully let the officer know you will go right back if released.

• DO NOT PAY ANY BAIL.  Bail is basically a guarantee that you will appear for trial.  You should simply be ROR'd (Released On your own Recognizance).  You are an honorable person, obviously you will make all Court dates.  Since there is nothing wrong with what you are doing -- you won't delay in going back.  Don't make any promises, other than to be peaceful & polite!

• The Effect/Real Example -- People will initially see you as a threat, as another radical protester -- not as a fellow parent struggling for your children.  Your positive message and peaceful demeanor will help them change those attitudes.  Not all, but many will certainly come to respect you.  For a detailed example please examine a recent effort by John Murtari and the response of staff both at a County Courthouse & Federal Building.  The URL is http://www.AKidsRight.Org/actionc_syr