Letter to Governor Pataki

4 August 1998

Dear Governor Pataki,

I write this letter to you as a grieving parent. Forgive me if you sense passion and anger here. Please understand the same passion or anger you might feel if you had to helplessly watch as one of your children cried in needless suffering. I am sorry we have never met in person, but I hope by the time your inquiry into this is done that we will have the chance to do so. I would be both honored and affirmed to see an elected official demonstrate concern.

My family and I have been badly treated in the State's system of family justice by way of divorce. My wife and I were married in 1987, had a wonderful son, Domenic, in 1993, and she filed for divorce in 1995. Since that time we have been embroiled in the Courts, all because I want to be an equal parent in our son's life. You must truly understand if not for watching this all happen with my own eyes - I would not believe it possible. The entire proceeding has given the words "travesty of justice" new meaning. The unprofessionalism, unethical conduct, and bias I have seen demonstrated by Judges, Law Guardians, and other "people who ought to know better" is simply astounding.

But perhaps what is more surprising is they are all "good people." For the most part I think they feel they were acting with my family's best interest at heart - but unfortunately the tremendous power they have can corrupt even the best among us. It was not so much their fault, as a failure of the System to keep them under control. Some things I saw, and can provide you with documentation for:

Officials willing to destroy a child's home environment based solely on an unsubstantiated allegation.
Psychologists who would testify to a parent's unfitness - without ever meeting that individual. Basing their recommendation solely on the other spouse's description.
Attorney's who clearly lie in their reports to the Court and other legal Briefs - and an Attorney Grievance system which says those types of allegations, even if they could be proven true, are not subject to investigation.
Judge's and Hearing Examiners who actively resent the fact a client wants to be present with their Lawyer at any pretrial conference.
Judges who make decisions without reading the papers which are filed.
Judges who insult and demean parents based on allegations.
Law Guardians who operate with little guidance and accountability.

Let me share some moments that are indelibly etched in my memory (and imagine how you would feel):

During your first meeting in front a Judge, hearing them say, "Mrs. Murtari, if you want, you can move out of the home while this is pending and take Domenic with you. Mr. Murtari, you can see him every other weekend" -- even though the facts were we were equal care givers and both worked part time.
To watch your little child led off to "daycare", following people he does not know, even though you are ready and able to care for him at home.
To listen to your child who can hardly talk, express to you his desire to stay with you and not with strangers, "Daddy come….. Daddy do….." and when a little older - "Daddy, why can't you come to daycare? Why can't I stay with you more?"
To take your child to your spouse's residence, and have to drop him off with a baby sitter - while he cries and hugs you. Why is it the child can spend any amount of time with strangers, but a closely limited amount of time with you.
To hear a Judge tell you, after you started your own business so you could spend more time with your child - that you should go back to office work, because your money would be a more valuable contribution to your child, than your personal presence.
To find out your spouse now wants to relocate to California and take your 5 year old child to Graduate School with them - and to be told, you can still see him during school vacations!

Yes, there are a lot of things that could make it better. But the easiest of all would be to recognize the very basic human right to be with our child/parent. To demand for families, the same rights we assure any accused criminal - the right to a Jury. A "punk" kid, who steals a 6 pack of beer, has the right to a Jury before spending even a week in Jail. Do not our parents and children deserve that same right before being separated for a life time? It is the best protection we could have against the misuses of the present system. Wouldn't you want the right to ask for a Jury when threatened by forced separation from someone you love?

The system needs to change, the State used to have an interest in the preservation of the family unit. The State needs to expect adults to act like adults and think of their children FIRST. It would certainly not hurt to have the State add similar wording as a "default" prenuptial agreement in the current Wedding License while the couple are still "love birds". They would be free to change the agreement before the marriage, or else the default would be in effect.

There are many, many things that could be done - but first we must recognize the "status quo" is intolerable. I hope we can all learn from history, especially the battles over slavery and segregation. There were many people who knew these policies were "wrong", but who were so frightened of change - they just wanted to maintain the status quo.

Again, it is important we accept the real "right" a parent & child have to be together, and the necessity of a Jury and a high burden of proof before that relationship is jeopardized - both parents must be treated equally. This recognition will bring about change in the present system, but I hope, with good civil leadership - that it will be seen as both positive and necessary change.

Please, I ask for two things:

That someone objectively examine the facts in my specific case to determine if there was misconduct.
To allow the people of the State to vote on a Law giving parents and children the right to a Trial by Jury, and proof beyond a "reasonable doubt" before facing unequal time with their parent child.

Thanks to the "electronic age", much of the material in my specific case is available on-line at http://www.kids-right.org/ -- I can also be contacted at either work
(315-695-1301) or home (315-638-7426).

I hope you will be able to give this your time and attention, not only for me - but for the thousands of other families across the State in similar circumstances. Thank you for your time!

Sincerely yours,

John Murtari