SUPREME COURT OF THE STATE OF NEW YORK
COUNTY OF ONONDAGA
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AFFFIDAVIT
FOR TEMPORARY CUSTODY Index
No. M-705-95
ADRIANNE MURTARI,
Plaintiff,
- against -
JOHN MURTARI,
Defendant.
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State of
New York )
County of
Onondaga ) ss:
JOHN
MURTARI, being duly sworn, deposes and states:
1.
I am
the defendant in this action, and I make this affidavit in support of a
decision regarding the physical custody of our son. I would like Domenic’s Law
Guardian involved before any decisions are made so that a sensitive and
balanced plan can be developed.
2.
I
would like to minimize the impact of a separation between his mother and I on
him. A child needs the influence and
care of both a mother and a father. I
am not trying to create a “make believe” environment at home, but to let
Domenic see two people can live together with respect and courtesy -- even
though they have strong disagreements. By my actions I have tried to keep a
normal home, Adrianne has not cooperated in this and is trying to alienate my
son and I.
3.
I
have been home for the past year with our Son.
I arranged a work schedule which allows me to be home for almost all of
the day. We live in a close community. The attached letters from neighbors
provide independent confirmation of my activity as a caring father. While
bearing Adrianne no ill will, neighbors could not understand why I would be
excluded as a parent (even on a temporary basis).
4.
In
the home environment we share the care of our son. On alternating nights I give him his bath and take him through
his bed time routine. In the mornings,
depending on when Adrianne leaves for work, I get him up and give him breakfast.
5.
From
last February to August I have prepared our evening meal. Adrianne told me she would not cook for me --
so to maintain a family meal I took care of preparation and serving and she did
the cleanup.
6.
At
the end of this August Adrianne began to refuse the food I prepared. We now alternate nights preparing something
for Domenic. I make every effort to eat with them, but she will not call me for
dinner time (I often work in the basement office). I have to periodically check
to see what’s going on. This is not
healthy behavior for our son.
7.
We
live in a small subdivision and have gotten to know our neighbors, and their
children, fairly well. Their are app.
20 kids in the area, with about half around five years of age or younger. Our
next door neighbor has a 2 1/2 year old, and across the street their is a 2
year old -- Domenic is 2 1/2. After
school and in the evenings it is common to see parents and children outside
riding, sledding. I would like the
opportunity to keep him involved with the same playmates.
8.
I
have a mother who lives an hour from our home, able to come and help with
things around the house should the need arise.
I have a close cousin who lives only 10 minutes from our house (they
have a 4 and 2 year old). A close
friend from work also lives app 10 minutes from here, they have a daughter also
around Domenic’s age.
9.
Adrianne
uses Japanese almost exclusively with him when I am present. I find myself excluded from conversation at
the dinner table or in the playroom. I do not object that he learn Japanese (I
am bilingual with Italian), but asked her to limit it to times when we are not
together. I sought relief in family court on this matter; but there has been no
significant change in Adrianne’s behavior. The use of language as a barrier is
very disturbing to me.
10.
She
attempts to exclude me from family outings.
She told me her and Domenic had been invited to a Birthday party for a
small child. I did not know the
parents, but did know the parents and children of some of the people
attending. I asked Adrianne if I could go
... she told me I hadn’t been mentioned.
I asked her to please ask the hosts if I could attend, since it seemed
to be a family party. They were happy
to have me there also and we all attended.
11.
I
have taken Domenic on trips to the State Fair, the Zoo, and to Grandma’s
house. Adrianne has been welcome to come
on all these visits, but refuses to attend.
On two occasions I have invited friends and their children to our home
for dinner, she refuses to be present and goes somewhere else. She tells me,
“we are not a couple. I will not go out with you and Domenic.” These actions, which send a bad message
to our son, our inexcusable.
12.
Adrianne
seems to be in a competition for our Son’s affection. She has told me, “Domenic
prefers me to you.” I just didn’t know
what to make of it? I thought of my
mother and father and that type of statement never formed in my mind -- nor
would I encourage it to form in our son’s mind.
13.
In
this attempt to insure affection; Adrianne is not setting sound limits on our
son’s behavior. When she is present at
mealtimes they become a very haphazard affair.
He is asking for many things immediately before dinner and during the
meal. If these requests to her are not satisfied, he cries in an outburst. At times he won’t eat enough at dinner and
is then hungry an hour later. He seems
to see Adrianne as an extension of himself.
14.
I am
not rigid or over-controlling with him.
I do try to set limits to his behavior and communicate values. He acts
very different when Adrianne is not present.
He does not make a lot of demands upon me and he knows that we both sit
down for dinner at the same time. When
I am cutting fresh vegetables up in the kitchen; I encourage him to taste. If I
can satisfy a request, I do. If I
cannot; I explain that to him, and for the most part he seems to accept it -- allowing
us to focus on the meal and each other.
15.
I
have talked to our pediatrician about this.
She recommended we could both sit down with a “neutral” doctor on the
staff to discuss Domenic’s care and feeding -- Adrianne has so far refused to
come with me.
16.
Adrianne
finds it very difficult to put Domenic down to sleep, especially for his
afternoon nap. He almost always takes
his nap with me, the time may vary, sometimes at 1PM, sometimes at 3PM -- but
he gets a good two hour sleep. I do not
force him into the crib, but he knows Dad is going to give him an opportunity
to sleep. He can then get up and ask to
come out. At night I usually have him
in bed by 9PM and sometimes sooner. I
do not rock him all the way to sleep in my arms. With Adrianne he is always finding little things he needs,
distractions. This usually results in
no nap at all (and a cranky boy come evening time) and late bedtimes, after
9:30 PM. I am concerned that many
nights I go to bed before my son does.
17.
I am
active in our local church. I want to
share with Domenic a lively faith that reaches out and shares caring for
others.
18.
I
question Adrianne’s moral basis and ability to balance outside interests and the
care of our young son. She has had a significant number of evenings away from
home and some very late return times (sometimes at 2:30 in the morning). I have
kept a detailed log of this for the Court’s examination.
_________________________
JOHN
MURTARI
Sworn to
before me this
18th day
of September, 1995.
______________________________
Notary
Public