Thanksgiving Day, 1995

Dear Mr. Lupia:

I feel devastated by what happened Tuesday -- I certainly wasn’t expecting to see less of Domenic than I was now. I read your report more carefully when I got home . . . Wow! I know I sent you that package of material on my background and also my married life with Adrianne. One thing I forget to mention is my sense of honor and integrity. It solidified in my Air Force Academy experience and became something I could always use to guide me through difficult decisions -- not a standard I hold other people to (we each have our own lives to lead). When I was teaching 7th grade confirmation classes I use to try to share some of those ideas with the kids, “a lot of times in your life you are really going to want something, and maybe you think its best at the time, and maybe you think God isn’t quite listening and it may be necessary to lie-a-little, or cheat-a-little to get there. Watch out! We have a loving father, who watches us and guides us, to make his plan work out for YOU, keep the faith.”

To put it nicely, some of the pleadings from Adrianne are exaggerations of the truth and untruths! There won’t be any real evidence to support those pleadings (even though it was a course of conduct for the last 8 years), because it didn’t happen that way (you ever wonder why Ms. Walsh doesn’t say, “your honor, we have witnesses...”). You read the material about the pressures Adrianne experienced as a teenager and young adult -- those are verifiable fact, there are witnesses (Dr. Kimura). We had a lot of close friends -- none are going to testify to a bizarre marriage. There is a psychologist (Dr. Keefe) who had Adrianne and I in counseling for an extended period of time -- he can certainly provide valuable information. With regards to my “over-controlling” personality -- I spent six months in a community house when I was considering becoming a Catholic Priest. We ate, slept, and studied together and were evaluated on our interactions in the community. The house director (Fr. Meagher) can provide more valuable input. All these people have offices in the down town area -- PLEASE GIVE THEM A VISIT! I can supply you there office phone numbers.

When we talked on the phone you told me your report was going to be passed on the facts you could observe (I was happy to hear that). It seemed that based on your direct observations we were both equally fit to raise Domenic, until I got to the section labeled “LAW GUARDIANS RECOMMENDATIONS”. I do have some questions as to what facts or presentable evidence supported the following:

1. “...John Murtari seeks to dominate and control his son.”

2. “He repeatedly seeks to dominate and have the last word on all issues involving the child.”

3. “...if Mr. Murtari were to be awarded custody of Domenic, the he would seek to exercise total control over Mrs. Murtari visitation.”

4. “...concerned over the callus manner in which Mr. Murtari went to many friend and neighbors and enlisted them as character references.”

Briefly, on my behalf for each of the issues you broached:

1. I am confidant in myself and my abilities; I find no pleasure or need to control others in their lives -- unlike Adrianne, I did not experience overwhelming parental control in my life. I used to teach young college grads how to fly Air Force Jets -- the essence of being a Pilot is confidence, the ability to masterfully handle the aircraft. You instill that in students by letting them fly the plane, not intervening until safety warrants. My students appreciated my caring, but hands off attitude.

2. I have accepted adultery in my home and a spouse who fails to treat me with common courtesy in an attempt to give Domenic a Mommy & Daddy. Adrianne controlled the relationship with Domenic through language and physical intervention -- all I could do was make suggestions and seek compromise.

3. I will show you my family court petition. Adrianne was excluding me from family conversation based on Japanese. In one year she spent seven weeks in Japan with Domenic. When this temporary order gave “liberal” visitation -- I have had none, not even an extra half hour! I asked her several times about this, but “it wasn’t the right time.”

4. I did not want to go to my neighbors -- do you know how embarrassed I felt trying to get letters so I could see my own son. Perhaps more background would help -- Adrianne filed the original motion seeking to remove me from the marital residence and be assigned custody of Domenic. Adrianne presented a letter from therapist would had never met me and based on one side labeled me “neurotic” (never made an attempt to talk to me). In that first conference the Judge let me stay in the home, but allowed her to move our and take Domenic (my original “visitation” was only going to be every other weekend, until I pleaded for more). You have the names of the neighbors, call any you wish and they will tell you that I blamed “divorce lawyers” for this take all attitude and also that I did not want them to take sides in this -- but I did need some help in presenting evidence to Judge as to my temperament and abilities as a father.

Mr. Lupia, I was the party who wanted a law guardian for our son, an independent set of eyes to review the evidence -- I can only benefit from that; but I feel that you have accepted “one-side” from Adrianne and her counsel. Please talk to some people! Please get the word “control” out of this matter, you have seen some of my background -- I care about people.

Please understand I just want a fair examination of the facts. I thought the presumption would be, unless there was compelling evidence presented that we should both share in joint custody (especially physical), until a complete hearing occurs at trial.

I will make an appointment to come in and speak with you and attempt to address any concerns questions you have.

John Murtari